So in middle school we weren’t allowed to have any drinks aside from water but I kept sprite or the clear kool aid in a water bottle and felt like I was someone who made moonshine during the prohibition era.
- What Eurovision is supposed to be: All the countries putting aside their differences for a peaceful, harmonius and enjoyable night of song, dance and sequins.
- What Eurovision actually is: 4 POINTS FUCK YOU WE GAVE YOU 12 YOU FUCKING TRAITOR SEE IF WE ACT AS YOUR ALLY IN THE NEXT WORLD WAR YOU JUDAS SCUM
can u not
“what is even air”
can u not
Did you know that Big Ben and the London Eye were built specifically for the Sherlock opening credits? They were also demolished immediately after filming.
found this from my first aid kit. i guess it’s an emergency party dress
that’s a fire blanket omg
no its not its fashion
I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS
I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WAS EXPECTING
OKAY WAS EXPECTING SOMETHING ABOUT BLUE EYES OR PERFECT PEOPLE BUT I GUESS THIS IS OKAY TOO
oH MY GOD FOR FUCKS SAKE I THOUGHT IT WAS SOME NICE SONG AND I WAS IN THE LIVING ROOM WITH MY PARENTS
My step dad walked into the room right when I hit play, listened to the first 5 seconds, then walked back out.
its five in the morning, my parents are down the hall, and my computer was on full volume
I physically can’t not reblog this
NEVER BLOG WITH YOUR FIVE YEAR OLD SISTER IN THE ROOM OH MY GOD
so done with tumblr
I say, ‘I am fat.’
He says ‘No, you are beautiful.’
I wonder why I cannot be both.
He kisses me
My college theater professor once told me
that despite my talent,
I would never be cast as a romantic lead.
We do plays that involve singing animals
and children with the ability to fly,
but apparently no one
has enough willing suspension of disbelief
to go with anyone loving a fat girl.
I daydream regularly
about fucking my boyfriend vigorously on his front lawn.
On the mornings I do not feel pretty,
while he is still asleep,
I sit on the floor and check the pockets of his skinny jeans for motive,
for a punchline,
for other girls’ phone numbers.
When we hold hands in public,
I wonder if he notices the looks —
like he is handling a parade balloon on a crowded sidewalk;
if he notices that my hands are now made of rope.
Dear Cosmo: Fuck you.
I will not take sex tips from you
on how to please a man you think I do not deserve.
He tells me he loves me with the lights on.
I can cup his hip bone in my hand,
feel his ribs without pressing very hard at all.
He does not believe me when I tell him he is beautiful.
Sometimes I fear the day he does will be the day he leaves.
The cute hipster girl at the coffee shop
assumes we are just friends
and flirts over the counter.
I spend the next two weeks
mentally replacing myself with her
in all of our photographs.
When I admit this to him
we spend the evening taking new photos together.
He will not let me delete a single one of them.
The phrase “Big girls need love too” can die in a fire.
Fucking me does not require an asterisk.
Loving me is not a fetish.
Finding me beautiful is not a novelty.
I am not a fucking novelty.
I say, ‘I am fat.’
He says, ‘No. You are so much more’,
and kisses me
- plot twist: yahoo buys tumblr and we get proper blocking features, lockable posts, a sent folder in messages/fanmail with a better interface, ability to search multiple tags, removal of the post and message limits, proper search engines for likes/archives and removing that bloody "reblog as a link" option.
Oh my god this is giving me flashbacks to when Disney announced it was buying club penguin and there was a literal actual penguin protest in front of the clothes shop for like 4 hours straight I love society
my little brother wrote about me for school and this was one of the sentences he wrote. im sobbing “my sister is my role model because she can watch 12 years worth of law and order in 3 months”
Woah hey so everyone’s freaking out about the whole Yahoo deal so I was like “okay I’m gonna go look this thing up then!” and look what I found!!
“… let it continue to operate as an independent business.”
In other words: Calm down people, Yahoo’s not gonna mess up your precious fandom blogging experience
SO THIS GUY IN MY ENGLISH IS DOING A PROJECT FOR BIO WHERE HE GETS A DUCKLING TO IMPRINT ON HIM SO HE JUST CARRIES IT AROUND WITH HIM TO ALL OF HIS CLASSES AND I SWEAR THIS DUCK IS THE MOST WELL BEHAVED FUCKING POULTRY IVE EVER SEEN IT JUST SITS ON HIS DESK QUIETLY AND SOMETIMES HE PUTS IT IN HIS POCKET AND IT JUST SLEEPS LIKE WOW YOU GO DUCKY